Raising Good Men
I am sure most of you will have heard by now that All Saints is losing one of those precious jewels in our crown with the decision made by Ross Kingsley to move to Melbourne at the end of the year to be closer to his partner. He leaves a lasting legacy and, let’s be honest, no-one is ever going to guide and encourage our magnificent Junior School Cross Country runners to 28 victories in a row ever again! His passion for running and education is legendary, and we shall miss him a great deal.
Another of Ross’s passions is his determination to encourage us to raise young boys into the best men they can be. As the justifiably proud father of Hudson, I know this is something that has always been close to his heart. Indeed, he was instrumental in bringing Celia Lashlie to speak to us many years ago and it is an evening I have never forgotten.
Celia spoke about the challenges of raising boys to a full Nairn Theatre. She had started out as a probation officer before becoming the first ever female in a custodial role in a men’s prison in New Zealand. Her experience as a warden introduced her to a poignant collection of men who had made poor decisions and thereby seen their lives take unexpected and often tragic turns. She began exploring the circumstances that led to young men getting into trouble, resulting in her excellent book “He’ll be OK – Growing Gorgeous Boys Into Good Men”.
Celia’s two hour presentation, delivered without notes or multi-media support, was moving, hilarious and instructive. As a single parent of a son and a daughter, she was able to relate her own experiences of raising a teenage boy with an eloquence that left its mark. Whilst researching her book she spoke to thousands of teenage boys to get their perspective on life.
"I discovered this amazing world of vulnerability, of living in the moment, of intense wisdom if we paused long enough to pick it up. But it's all beneath this veneer of that shrug and the 'dunno' and you had to push to get it out from under there."
What became clear as the presentation progressed was Celia’s obvious respect and genuine affection for teenage boys:
"They are delightful; I think we can admit that they're frustrating, they smell, they're noisy. They have a concentration span of thirty seconds if the topic is interesting. They know it all. So there's all of that stuff and they can be pretty obnoxious, but underneath it all, if you just pause and sometimes look up into the eyes, there is this absolutely stunning creature just standing there. And it's about being able to hold that moment, about being able to enjoy the magic that is these children."
Two of the key points made in her address involved firstly the need for mothers to occasionally talk less to or at their sons (even if it meant sitting in silence for a while). She suggests that teenage boys have much to say and precious insights to share, but if they are given an opportunity to opt out of a conversation (by someone else filling the silence) they will invariably take it; and secondly for fathers to step up more, to be the role model their sons need.
"There's a vacuum. There's a lack of definition about what makes a good man and so the boys are struggling. They watch their fathers either leave or be emotionally absent or be dominated by women and they have no sense of what it is they're supposed to be doing to be good men.”
Perhaps the best thing about the evening was that a group of some 450 mums, dads and teachers had given up their time to think about the challenges of growing gorgeous boys into good men. It is a wonderful thing to be a boy and to aspire to be a good man, and it is equally wonderful to be a parent. None of us will get it right all the time which is why it is so helpful to listen to people like Celia Lashlie when we get the chance, a chance that simply wouldn’t have happened without Ross’s passion.
In writing about passion this week, I simply have to mention the quite extraordinary performances at the Concerto Competition Final on Thursday night. The six soloists, the incredible music staff and the superb All Saints orchestra left the audience breathless with their passion and virtuosity. It is an evening that I will never forget and, whilst Eason You (Year 9) and Hanjun Kim (Year 12) were worthy winners of the Middle and Senior School sections, William Fell (Year 9), Ashelynn Song (Year 8), Saho Hiroe (Year 10) and James Shin (Year 12) all played so beautifully. As well as being so grateful for the opportunity to be transcended for a while to musical heaven, I was also grateful not to be an adjudicator! Be sure to catch a glimpse of the performances in the Performing Arts section below.
Another busy, wonderful week at All Saints. Have a lovely weekend.
Patrick Wallas
Headmaster
