The Path of Parenting: A Message from the Headmaster
This column has oftentimes been dedicated to a celebration of student achievements, and rightly so – our children achieve at quite extraordinary levels, and they deserve recognition. There has been mention on occasion too of the efforts, equally extraordinary in their way, of the staff of All Saints, whose mission it is to look for the light in your sons and daughters and draw it out. But at the risk of appearing sycophantic, I wanted to reflect this week on another group in our school community who perhaps don’t always receive the gratitude they deserve. I refer of course to the parents, the unsung heroes of the learning process.
Be assured that it is certainly not my intention to offer advice on parenting – I am one myself, after all. In fact, if I have learned anything over the years, it is that notions of 'right' and 'wrong' ways of parenting tend to be misleading at best, and downright destructive at worst. I always come away from those books describing 'best practice' in child rearing feeling both patronised and immensely guilty, which is probably the author’s intention, since the guilt sends me straight back to the parenting and self-help sections in the bookshop where this downwards spiral began! I prefer to stick to fiction, where one can find evidence of parenting so hopelessly inadequate as to cheer even the most guilt-ridden soul. The only wisdom I can hope to offer on these matters is that there is no right or wrong way for me to father my children, but rather just my way, which is different to anyone else’s and sufficiently unique in its strengths and weaknesses to defy unhelpful comparisons. The single fact that unites me with all other parents in our community is that I love my children and try to do my best for them with the limited personal resources allotted to me. Those resources will never be ideal, but fortunately young people are forgiving and, whilst this might not always be as apparent as we might like, generally grateful and accepting of our limitations.
So let us this week simply celebrate the benevolent influence we have as parents on our school community. Ours is a happy school. We say this often, and we say it with pride, because there is a wonder in this simple truth that needs to be acknowledged. We attempt to define the ingredients that severally combine to achieve this miracle, because in so doing, we grope our way towards that fine tuning of our goals and practices that ensures we continue to fulfil our mission as a Christian school. Our parents will always stand at the centre of this delicate enquiry. Our students are happy because they have parents who love them. It is a love that can seem at times exhausting and overwhelming, and whilst we have progressed as a society beyond the wildest dreams of our grandmothers, it is the mothers who, for the most part continue to corner the market on this exhausting love. Those of us who have chosen the path of parenting are likely to discover, sometimes in a rather discomforting way, that it will do more to define our sense of self than anything else. Wander through All Saints during a typically busy day, and you will see the fruits of your labour in glorious hues, as your children express the generosity of spirit and thirst for life that comes from you.
Patrick Wallas
Headmaster